Thursday, August 1, 2013

Don't be the mom I want to shank

This is a topic I've been kicking around in my head for a long time, but I have not wanted to really follow through on writing because it's kind of mean. I know I will come off as a sanctimommy at some point, but damn. Just, damn. Some things need to be said, okay? Keep in mind that I'm bouncing around from special needs parenting to typical parenting with this rant, please.

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I asked for input from other moms and received big time. 

For starters, if you take your child to the pool, interact with that child. Go on, do it. It is not my job to watch your child and make sure he isn't drowning, splashing, or krakening the hell out other children. Don't be pissed off whenever I finally get fed up and bring him to you and expect you to do something other than read your magazine, okay? This child came out of your uterus, you get to take care of him, so do it.

Playing off of that, don't ignore your children. It's rude, for starters, and it shows the rest of us the quality of your parenting or lack thereof. Want to know what ignoring your children looks like? Talking about them like they aren't right next to you. Or flat out ignoring requests, bad behavior, and not knowing what's going on in their world. Stop it.

Don't take advantage of people who don't ignore their children and assume that they would love to babysit your spawn. "I'm tired of being the babysitter for the neighborhood because I pay attention to my own kids," says my friend Amanda from Confessions From HouseholdSix.

Don't assume because my child is autistic that he's stupid. Or that because he's wanting to play with your younger child that he's incapable of playing with your older child. Maybe your older child is a jerk.

Get over being a victimommy. Autism and other special needs aren't pretty, I get that. However, your child's autism isn't about you. I know that meltdowns, IEPs, visits to the doctor, etc., are a bitch. But this, at the end of the day, isn't about you. It's about your child. Feel free to cry foul to people who know you best but if you're just meeting someone, don't do that. You sound like someone I might want to avoid.

On that note, venting is always good. There are plenty of Facebook groups, therapists, etc., if you don't have friends. But please, practice some decorum, especially if you're doing this online. 

Of course, sometimes it's the simple things that piss us off.  "Talking. They should just refrain from talking," says my friend Flannery from The Connor Chronicles. She gets it.

Stop the comparisons with special needs. We are each on a different path but on the same planet. You don't know what I go through any more than I do; there is no sense in telling me I have it easier or harder than you and then listing the reasons why.

Stop letting your children get away with asshole behavior. This applies across the board to all parents. I'm a firm believer that parents create asshole kids. You allow you child to get away with asshole behavior once, twice, three times without saying much and guess what? Your child ends up being "that kid" we all tell our kids, special needs or not, to avoid. And you end up being that mom we want to shank- repeatedly.

Saying, "all kids do that." I've heard it, my friends have heard it, we all hate it. When we are discussing our autistic child's habits/obsessions/behaviors and another parent (the clueless wonder) says that, we all feel like that parent is trying to invalidate our experiences. If little Johnny is still obsessively lining up cars at the age of eight, flapping like a bird, and can repeat Nemo line for line... he might be autistic. So bite me.

Offering up prayers or unsolicited advice will make me want to slap you. I've actually had people offer to pray for my son's autism to go away. What is that? Pray for my sanity to stay somewhat intact while I raise him and his little brother, pray we get our house sold soon so I can move out of this apartment, but please, don't pray for my son. He isn't sick, he's autistic.

Giving looks of pity. 'Nuff said.

Allowing your NT kid to have fewer manners and social skills than my autistic kid is bad form. Really. I don't feel like I should have to elaborate, but here we go! This goes back to allowing your kids to be assholes, too. Teach your children manners, it isn't hard. Teach your children that it's mean to be mean. Teach them to respect other people. Want to know how to do this? Practice what you preach.

Don't pull your kids away from my kid when you hear the word "autistic." You're teaching them that autistic is bad. You're telling me that you're a bigot. And an asshole.

Starting a sentence with, "I would never allow my children to..." which is in reference to my child still carrying a lovey, using a pacifier, wearing second hand clothing, or eating food which is probably riddled with dyes and GMOs. Guess what, asshat, I'm doing a lot of things I never thought I would, either. Don't judge. I'm willing to bet you hide in your closet and drink cheap boxed wine at night. That's not organic, just sayin.'

I'm leaving a lot out, but this was turning into a book. What I'm getting at is just be a good person. Be a good parent. I know I practice unconventional parenting, but my children are polite and fairly pleasant creatures. Most of the time.

What would you add to this list? What parenting practices are you seeing that drive you insane and would cause you to not want to interact with another parent?


  1. Love it! I also can't stand the pool moms who lay on a chair tanning & blabbing on their phones and ignoring their kids while their little darlings terrorize the pool. I am in the pool with my son because I have to be. Even at 13, he's autistic, runs into people and is not a strong swimmer. I gotta watch out for the bullies. and my 11 yr old NT son still likes to play in the pool with me too.

  2. Oh and the non-organic boxed wine! I don't like the super moms who have to brag about all their organic, dye-free, gfcf, egg free, peanut free, everything free diet, and try to make me feel like a bad mom because I don't do the same. So your kid's never had a french fry from McD's, Yeah for you!