A favor, please

Dear Readers,

I'm not looking forward to this next month. In fact, I'm dreading it.

In the next week, I will have to take Morgan to the neurologist to begin testing for seizure activity and then, on Friday, I have my consult for my surgery for removing endometriosis from my bowels.

Fun stuff, huh?

I always say that when one shoe drops, get ready for the next one... because God knows, it will hit. But I'm kind of a pessimist.

I know that insurance will not cover the full cost of my surgery. Our insurance is just plain crappy like that. We have a deductible to meet and it's high. To put just our drug plan into perspective, each month, I spend $97.00 on one drug, just one, and that's for me.

You can't see the pillow & heating pad separating me from my loves

The best things about the month of October are Morgan's birthday and Halloween. I love, love, love planning parties, but this year, I know, will be different. I will be recuperating from surgery. I might not be my "normal" self. With the OOP (out of pocket) expenses, things will be tight. Also, this kid (and his brother, to be honest, who isn't handling things well at all), needs cheering up from dealing with his mom being ill.

Even at my best right now, I'm limited on what I can do. I cannot stand for long periods of time because I will double over with excruciating pain and pass out. I vomit- a lot. I cannot drive right now because I never know when I will pass out. I cannot do all of the 1,001 things I normally do.

We're cuddling a lot, but I cannot stand to have them touch me because the pain is that intense. It's like childbirth, but worse, because it never ends.

They are witnessing me pass out, vomit, and/or scream from sheer pain, even when I try to hide it from them. This is not something a child should ever see. Ever. They are worried and it shows.

We need some cheer, y'all. 

So, I'm going out on a huge limb here. I'm doing something that I would never think to do in a million years.

People keep asking me, virtually, how can they help? I keep mulling this over and this is the only thing I can come up with. I'm asking that each person who reads this blog send Morgan a card, if you can. You can send a present, if you want, but a card would rock his socks off.

Please, help me cheer my kid(s) up. Help me make Morgan's birthday extra special. He knows that I write this blog about him and our family. He loves mail, in any form. He loves postcards from different places, cards, packages, etc.

Bay does, too. I'm including him in this because, frankly, it's confusing as hell for his five year old brain to process his mommy being in this much pain and passing out from it. Also, sibling rivalry isn't pretty.

Messages posted to my Facebook wall are great, too.

Morgan's birthday is in the third week of October. I'm hesitant to post his actual birth date until the actual day because of privacy issues. I feel like I'm already baring my soul and pride in this post and blog so much, so some things should be kept private until they cannot.

Should you choose to send something to my son(s), here is how:

You may mail letters, postcards, cards, or packages to

Morgan

c/o Thomas Cash

Laborde Products

74257 Hwy 25

Covington, LA 70435

Morgan loves Thomas the Tank Engine (obviously, there are whole posts about this) anything. There is a new movie out called "King of the Rails" which he is incredibly excited about and there is a ton of paraphernalia surrounding it. He also likes Mario Kart, books on trains, Clifford the Big Red Dog, the ocean, reefs, and shells. 

If you're interested in sending something to cheer up Bay, he loves Legos sets, Skylanders, art supplies, books on anything (especially level 1-2 readers), and Minecraft. 

From the bottom of this mom's heart, thank you for the love and support that has continued to pour forth to me and my family. If anyone every tells you that online friends aren't real, they're lying. I've had more people check in on me to give me a laugh or offer an ear this week than I ever thought possible. 

Love,

Jessi

Know your tribe

The storms in our home have swelled like monsoons, poured themselves out, gained strength again, ebbed, flowed, and now, finally, seem to be abating.

Yesterday, last night really, was rough. Without specifics, it was just... hell. As a parent, I tried my best to comfort my child and eventually, what I was doing worked.

But I was spent. Tapped out. Stressed out. I needed a tribe member or several.

Pin this.

I'm supposing most NT moms have their own "tribe," that group of people (other moms?) who they can call on for help and support. Well, I don't exactly have that, or haven't had it until recently. But God, since I've discovered it, I've realized just how important it is to have that network of supportive people who get it.

Stopping right here... If you are on Facebook, get a tribe of people who get you. If it's a big support-type network and you're comfortable with that, fine. If you need something smaller and more local, start something. I belong to some great groups filled with people I've never met and also a couple of groups that are local. We have Autism in common.  We have special needs in common. We support each other when shit hits the fan and cheer like mad when a milestone, big or small, is achieved. We're all picking up some of the slack virtually where IRL (in real life) family isn't there to do it, or doesn't want to have any part of it. Same goes for IRL "friends" who dropped off the planet after that first Mach 10 meltdown.

We get it. 

As for the other side of my tribe, I've been  lucky enough, since moving to Louisiana, to make fast friends with a neighbor of mine, Sherie. She actually lives on top of me. Her two kids are similar in age to my two boys. The kids play well. Her youngest, a boy, has some sensory and attention issues. She and I get each other and our sons' histories of meltdowns, children not wanting to play with them, and stranger's mean looks. We've each been through IEP meetings and have perfected our "f*** off" faces. We're tribe members. Doesn't hurt that I think she's pretty hilarious and swears more than me.

Last night, after I put the kids to sleep, I texted her something like 14 messages in maybe two minutes, each one an escalation of tension and hilarity. I was losing it. She told me to come up. We laughed over the mess my week had been because if you can't laugh, yell, and curse, you'll lose it. She's definitely in my tribe.

I have some other tribe members, we're kind of a scattered bunch from my end. I'm horrible about keeping in touch with my local bunch. And, I'm new here. So, I'm kind of shy about inserting myself into an established group of terrific (seriously, I haven't met a mean mom in this group yet) and involved women.

I woke up with some trepidation this morning. Morgan was calm, but still super stimmy. Super scripter in full force. I put on my gym clothes... took him to school. Took Bay to the gym with me. Tuned out the world and my problems for a while.

I was feeling a off. Just... not quite right. Like I need to run (hahaha! right?) or write or do something to crowd all all my fears and doubts which were stabbing my brain.

I turned around to clean off my elliptical and there, right behind me, was another member of my tribe. Funny, isn't it? Sometimes we pop up just when we need to touch base or talk to each other, I think.

I hope you're able to find your tribe.