Friday, May 10, 2013

A letter to my boys

Dear Morgan and Bailey,

They're so close..
I know that with Mother's Day being on Sunday, you're supposed to do something for me. To show gratitude. You know, that whole "I gave you life and haven't retracted it yet" thing. I know that the two of you are excited about giving me the cards that you've hidden (Bailey, you need to move yours... putting it into the mail pile is not hiding it, sweetie). But boys, this year, I thought I'd thank you instead. If it weren't for the two of you being here, driving me slightly batty - or really batty - daily, I wouldn't be able to celebrate this day with millions of other moms. Plus, this gives me a chance to post cute pics of both of you.

And SO crazy...

You see, before y'all came along, I didn't really think I'd ever be a "mommy." I knew I'd probably be a mother, but I just didn't know if I had it in me to do "mommy" things. I thought I was missing a gene to do this.. this stuff somehow. Maybe I still am, but I know that the two of you have brought out something in me that I never knew I had. You both taught me how to love. I loved your daddy already, but loving a child is different. As others had said, to have a child is to have a part of your heart walk or move around outside of you for the rest of your child's life. You know, or something like that.

Morgan, you've inspired both your daddy and me to be so much better than we ever would have been. We would have been incredibly selfish people, bent on God knows what. If there is a high power, and I believe there is, he or she knew what to do in sending you to us. Those first few days were scary. Bringing you into the world was so hard, and there were a lot of doctors and nurses there. We were terrified. But you were great.

A quiet moment, at 3 months old
You've always been full of surprises. A lot of things, you did early. Some others, you've had to work so hard for. Morgan bear, I'm so proud of you. Without you, I don't know who I'd look up to. Before your brother came along, it was just you and me a lot of the time because your Daddy worked so hard. You taught me how to really laugh and that life can be enjoyed through the eyes of a child.

You taught me that silence is a gift worth appreciating, that sometimes, one really needs to sit down and take a break. I'd never considered that raising a child would be taking a break, but at first, that's what it was for me. You taught me to breathe, while, at the same time, you were teaching me to hold my breath in anticipation. Motherhood is a huge oxymoron.

You've taught me more about advocating, loving, and seeing people for who they are and not what they are labeled than anyone ever could. Thank you. I love you sweetie. You will accomplish so much in life. You already have.

My youngest son... we'd developed a better sense of humor about parenthood and pregnancy by the time we found out about you. I love you as much as I love your brother. Your mom is incredibly silly. And crazy, by the way. The picture of the pumpkin is my belly when I was pregnant with you during Halloween.
Bailey... You are, by far, the most hilarious and challenging child I have ever encountered. When I said that my heart walks outside of my chest? Well, son, with you, my younger self walks around outside of me. Your middle name should have been "Karma." I call you my gingerbaby/demon for a reason, darlin.' You're my baby. You are the last child I'll ever have (Seriously, stop asking for a sibling. It's not happening!). I've spent more one on one time with you than I even did with your brother and I'm so grateful for it. I've been right here for every single milestone- those in the baby books and not.. like trying to shave the dog.

Bay, you are a pistol. I know I stay on you about your behavior, but it's honestly because I want you to one day be a great person. I want you to, yes, stick up for people, but to stop pointing out who might be a "real live swamp person and eat squirrel" when we're in restaurants now. You're impulsive, a complete chatterbox, and you never stop moving- even in your sleep. I love every bit of you. I especially love how I never have a day pass where you tell me how much you love me, too.

You, too, will go on to do great things, I know it. Please excuse me whenever you overhear me cracking jokes about saving for your bail fund. It's only a joke. Honest. I know if you go to jail, it'll be for an awesome protest for a worthy cause. Hey, you've already begun to protest my cooking, television shows, and certain clothing options.

As much as this might frighten you and gross you out, I love you because I see so much of me in you. That's also why I usually know what you're up to. Take this as a warning for your teenage years. Okay?

Boys, I know that I'm scary sometimes. I'm supposed to be, I'm your mommy. I'm supposed to scare you out of making bad decisions (Just wait until you bring home your first air headed girl who lacks any clue as to what the Anne of Green Gables books were. It will get real then, okay?). I will encourage you to take risks, but will usually make sure that they are within the confines of the law. This is because I love you. I will challenge you, embarrass you, and ground you in more ways than one.

You both know that life can be uncertain sometimes. Remember last year? When I got pretty sick and we didn't know what was going on? Or the year before? You were both so strong and the thing that sucks is that neither of you needed to be. You're kids. But you were and you're great for that. You have had to see your mommy sick more often than any child should. No child should ever have to see that. You've both dealt with my medical problems really well.

I was pretty sick here. It sucked.
By the way, when it comes to Autism, you both rock my socks off. I'm guessing it's because neither of you know any different, but I'll take what's working. Bay, you are terrific with your brother. I know you get impatient with Morgan, but stay calm. You are each other's best friends and biggest supporters. I've seen how close the two of you have stayed. Please stay that way.

And please, please, please... abide by this list of rules for life, okay?
  • if you bring home a pregnant girl before the age of 40, expect your mother to dissolve in hysterics. It'll happen... even if I love the girl.
  • if you get arrested, I will be pissed. Beyond pissed, got it?
  • I expect you to meet challenges head on. Morgan does it every day. Bay, you do it, too. The challenges will get bigger every year. Chin up and muscle through it. Mom will be waiting with cookies.. or something... when you're done.
  • Be nice. Have manners. 
  • Use sarcasm properly, if you're using it at all.
  • Stop using double negatives. Bailey, this is you I'm speaking to.
  • It is always okay to make an ass out of yourself as long as you own up to it.
  • You are your own worst enemy. No one else can beat you down as much as your inner voice. Shut that voice up.
  • Your mom is slightly psychotic when triggered. Proceed with caution, okay cupcakes?
  • Pick up your dirty boxers. That's gross to not do so. 
  • Your father is not always right <haha!>.
  • Always listen to your dad. If unsure (because he rambles), come to me.
  • Never, ever, ever, put anything on the Internet that you wouldn't want me to see. Because I will stalk you and find whatever incriminating evidence there is to find. Got that?
  • Live life fully and deliberately. 
  • I love you. Remember that always, even when we're mad at each other.

 Morgan's Mother's Day gift to me, 2013

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