Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Culling of the herd

cull  (kl)
tr.v. culled, cull·ing, culls
1. To pick out from others; select.
2. To gather; collect.
3. To remove rejected members or parts from (a herd, for example).
Something picked out from others, especially something rejected because of inferior quality.
I've always been a bit of a culler. I have pack rat tendencies, so I know, in the back of my mind, that I must rid myself of excessive "baggage" in my life. Whether it's clothing, books (okay, I suck at ridding myself of those), shoes, paper, or even friends, I collect things. It's odd to refer to people as things or objects to be collected, I know. However, one thing having children and especially having a special needs child has taught me, is that sometimes people must be rendered as inanimate objects. Sounds hard, right?
To render someone as such takes away the emotion necessary to cull them from your life collection. I'm bad about this. That is, I put more emotion into one person than is necessary. I give that person more credence in my life than he or she deserves.  Therefore, if you examine someone critically with as little emotion as possible, you might upset yourself less. Again, I'm bad at doing this. However, when I actually set out to do it, I'm merciless. 

I've culled many people from my life. They needed to go. 
One person, a "friend," couldn't take me "ignoring" her at my son's birthday party. She said that I spent too much time talking to other adults and that I basically just skimmed over her for the two hours of the party. Sound ridiculous? You bet it was. She also could not take that I was "always" sick. Hello, autoimmune disorders!

I've culled family members. My biological father in particular comes to mind. I could say this wasn't a big deal, but it was huge. I mean, he's 50% of the reason I'm on this planet, correct? But his negativity, lack of insight, alcoholism, and wife were more than I wanted to subject my family to.  His wife was actually the deal breaker for me. 

Reasons for culling in life vary, don't they? What might be a big blow up with one person will be something that has simmered for a long time with another. 

 Relationships are supposed to be give and take, not one way streets.

When I think of culling my herd, I don't see it as getting rid of "defective" people. Rather, I see it as ridding myself of people who bring me down, don't enhance my or my family's life in any way possible, or people who I am beginning to loathe being around. If this sound hateful, you should see it in my head. 

I might have become slightly stand offish about making friends in the past few years. I wonder if people think I'm parenting correctly because slurs have been thrown out. I think about how others parent their kids. I also sometimes think about the gossiping which invariably goes on behind backs in groups of people. 

Recently, it came to my attention that a group of people I once thought very highly of are nothing but facades of caring individuals. These people put themselves out there to advocate, inspire, and illuminate, if you will, everyone who "knows" them. However, scratch the surface and you find utter crap. 

When illusions are shattered and reality comes crashing in, icy cold water seeps into your veins. That person you thought you knew, even if it was their projected image, is so far from the truth that it's nearly gut wrenching. Be wary of people who want to lob words and then duck and cover. Or hide behind someone else. Or claim that you're guilty of something for which there is zero proof. 

People who clamor for attention are scary and dangerous. They promote mob mentality. 
That's all there is to say about that.