Tuesday, April 23, 2013

A Potty Mouthed Post

*Contains language, you should be used to this by now if you're a regular reader of my blog. Also, does this kind of crap only happen to me? Please tell me no. Please. 

After speech therapy today, Bailey headed to the really great park down the road from the school to kill some time before picking up Morgan. There are three major home school co-ops in our area and Tuesdays and Thursdays are meet up days at the park, so Bailey's usually guaranteed to have kids around his age to play with. So far, I've had incredibly good experiences with the local moms. I mean, really good experiences. However, today... well, today's encounter with one mom had me alternately scratching my head, making me want a drink, and also making me question why it's not legal to revoke someone's ability to have offspring.

It started off innocently enough at the swing sets. Bay was happily swinging along. I was taking pictures of him and pushing him. She walks up with her girls, we chat, like moms do. Trade information. Parks are like one big networking party, I think. She mentions she home schools. "No shit," I think, "we're at the park, on a Tuesday at 1:45pm and your girls are mostly over the age of four." She asks if Bay is my only child. Bay answers for me, "I have an older brother, Morgan. He's eight. He has Autism. He's awesome!"

This catches her and another mom's interest. The other mom, it turns out, has a child with Down's Syndrome. The moms, I'll call the NT only mom, "Deluded," and the SN mom, "Yes," and I chat for a while by the swings and then go our different ways after our kiddos. Yes' boy is a bit of a daredevil and Deluded has four kids, all girls, were wrecking havoc. I ran into Yes' son with Bailey over by a climbing wall. I offered assistance and he very emphatically said, "I got this." It was too cute. He and Bailey were like monkeys on that thing.

I wandered back to the sitting area and encountered Deluded and Yes again. Deluded proceeded to begin asking me about Morgan. Rather, she asked me about Morgan and "his Autism." I get this a lot, so I tried speaking in general terms, you know- I don't separate the diagnosis from the child, he's awesome, he's into trains, very social for the most part, loves math, etc. What she did next floored both Yes and I.

Deluded: "Have you ever considered home schooling him?"

Me: "Well, sort of. I mean, we're talked about it, but have decided not to because the school system here has really worked for us.  He's doing well and until that changes..."

D: "We actually have several children with autism (note the person first language? yeah...) in our co-op and since they've began to homeschool, they've shown zero signs of regression. I mean, you can't even tell they were once kids with autism. You should really try this!

Me: "Are you being serious?" I cast a dubious look at Yes... She caught it and giggled.

D, looking about as fanatical as a cult member with a strange gleam in her eyes: "Yes! You should try it! You know that with home school, vitamins, and an interactive diet, you can actually reverse autism? These moms swear by this approach. They don't really even do much therapy other than some doctors in New Orleans."

Me: "Those wouldn't be DAN! doctors... now would they? And just what kind of 'interactive diet' are we speaking of?"

Guys, that gleam? That cult-like gleam? Ah, hell... it was bad. Very, very bad.

D: "I don't know the doctors' names. They  might be named Dan. I don't know. But the interactive diet is key, very key. You have to follow it specifically <pronounced 'pacifically'> and it works. I've seen these kids go from barely functioning to, like I said, you wouldn't even be able to look at them and tell they have autism."

Okay, I was over asking questions and messing with her. I mean, she didn't even know I was messing with her! What's the point? I thanked her <sort of> for the information. I was befuddled, really, and slightly amused. I don't ascribe to a special diet for Morgan, really, for "his" Autism. I definitely don't buy into the DAN! approach.

Then, shit got real.

D: "So, all you have are two boys?"

Me: "Yes."

D: "I'm confused, though. Your older son is the one with autism, right? You had another one even though <whispered> you knew it was possible to pass it on again? Did you just not want to try again because of autism?"

Me, "accidentally" kicking sand at her: "Sorry about that! No, my uterus said 'Time's up!' and turned in it's time card. It developed endo and adenomyosis. Gosh, looking back... it must have known about the A-card, ya know?!" <giggle>

Yes, by then, was laughing her ass off. She told me later that I had dealt with that a lot better than she would.

We were lapsing into thankful (for me) silence for a minute when one of Deluded's girls came running up. That's when the Very Bad happened. A little boy had thrown sand at her. Yeah, it's a playground. Deluded went over to the sandbox to, I guess scold the kiddo. Yes knew that's where her kid was, too, and followed. I couldn't find Bay, so I went, too.

Yep, it was Yes' kid.

Deluded, in what I suppose was meant to be a show of "this is how informed I am" told her child to not get mad at Yes' child. That the little boy "has a very bad illness called Down Syndrome and cannot help the way he acts... he just can't control himself." Well... hell.

Yes flew off the handle, crying, and called Deluded a bitch. "Bravo," I thought. Deluded said that she was merely trying to inform her child how to, get this, "treat the poor mentally challenged children of the world."

That's when I lost my shit, brought down the bitch hammer,  and called Deluded an "abelist twat."

Because, you know, sometimes everyone is a potty mouth.

Yes and I swapped numbers.


  1. Damn, I wish I had that kind of balls. You are awesome.

  2. I was tempted to scream and hit. However, there were children present, so I only caved to dressing her down verbally. I'm excellent at that. Comes from years of hanging out with smart asses. Adeno was probably one of the worst and most physically painful things to go through and I have systemic lupus, too. I had a radical hysterectomy to take care of it back in 2010.