Wednesday, January 30, 2013

When you assume...

Editor's note: This contains cursing and me poking fun at myself. 

Yesterday morning, before the sun came up, Morgan came bursting into our room.  He was saying something about a nightmare.

Me: "There, there, darlin. It's okay. What was the dream about?"

Morgan: "DRUGS! Some kids were chasing me and trying to give me DRUGS, Mommy."

Me <fighting sleep, but shocked>: "It was just a dream, come snuggle, baby."

I got up after Morgan had left for school with his dad and got to thinking... Where the HELL had the idea of drugs come from? I know that his school had introduced D.A.R.E. back in the fall... but lately, in the last week, Morgan has been talking about drugs and once even brought up needles. I mean, WHAT THE HELL?

In other words, I began to freak out, Jessi style. It's not pretty. It's kind of like taking a ton of thoughts and flushing them in a toilet, only to have the toilet back up and stay that way.

I gave it some thought, which when I mix in copious amounts of caffeine and a serious lack of sleep, does not go well. I sent his teacher an email that I thought  was phrased politely, asking if the subject of drugs had been brought up lately in guidance or something. Rightfully so, I think I pissed her off. Frankly, I tend to do that. I lack a filter, especially when I'm worried, upset, or pissed. I wasn't pissed, I was wondering where in the world my kid was getting this crap about drugs!

For the record, let me state this: the adults in this house are super careful about the topics of conversation around our children. Well, we try, okay? Both of the kids are little tape recorders that jot down everything in their heads and spit them back at the most inopportune times possible. In Bailey's case, he spits it out almost immediately or during the most embarrassing times and delights in it. In Morgan's, well, he likes to wait a while, sometimes a week, sometimes a month or more and inserts it almost casually and always innocently. So, I tend to forget that his memory is like an elephant. Yeah, I need to work on that.

Anyways, by the time I picked up Morgan from school, I was in a tizzy. The day hadn't gone that great. Lupus and anxiety can wreck havoc on the best laid plans and all that. I tried broaching the subject of the dream and I got this:

"I was in a haunt(ed) house. Some kids chased me. I ran outside and slipped and they tried MAKE ME TAKE DRUGS! They made you, Bailey, and Daddy take them, too. You turned into zombies."

I snickered to myself, but took it seriously. As seriously as I could, anyways. Then, I waited. I had Morgan do homework, I cooked, and waited for Tom, my husband to get home. He's great about getting to the bottom of things. Sure enough, we got the full story (and boy, it was a story) out of Morgan.

For those of you that follow me on Facebook, you'll recall an incident from a week or more back involving my son being called retarded. Well, Morgan's teacher, after I told her, arranged for an anti-bullying video to be shown. Morgan, last night acted out the majority of that video...

"A bully is someone who shoves, punches (this is complete with hand gestures), hits, or calls you names. Bullies also try to give you drugs!" It went on and on... but I'll spare you. Plus, I was too interested in how animated he was. I honestly think we got the entire video in our living room.

Then, just to see what he'd learned, I asked:

"Morgan, what are drugs?"

"Drugs are bad! They are like circles and BAD!"

His dad and I exchanged looks and explained to Morgan the difference between illegal and legal drugs. We showed him how I have to take medicine for Lupus and RA, also called drugs, every day and that he and his brother should never  touch Mommy's medicine. This might end up with Morgan announcing to his class that his mom is on drugs... that'll be a fun call! We also talked about how correct he was in that bullying thing.

Yep, folks, drugs are bad. Also, I'm an overreacting moron who should have waited to speak to her son before emailing a teacher. Oh, and Morgan got the needle thing from knowing that people take medicine with needles, like shots. Yep, I'm just rockin' this parenting stuff!

Just another day in the parenthood. Ugh.

Oh, and Morgan's teacher, if you're reading this? I'm really, really, really sorry! Again.


  1. Replies
    1. I was about to pee, I was laughing so hard. On the inside, of course.

  2. Oh my goodness. I love this so much! I think maybe crazy parents ought to be included in teacher training. There's enough of us to warrant it, right?

    1. I'm not completely sure that this isn't in the "Teachers Guide to Navigating the Terrors of the Universe" or something like that. If you look up "helicopter mom," my pic is likely to be somewhere beside the definition, lol.