Thursday, May 1, 2014

We Need to Stop

Anytime a tragedy like the recent murder of autistic Robert Robinson by his mother Angie happens, our entire community blows the hell up.  

Stop. Just stop. 

Arguments are quickly thrown out in articles on blogs and forums. God help you if you get it wrong. Or, even worse, if you get it right. Of course, no admits to the correct party from the wrong party if the correct party is correct. See how batcrap that is?

Just a quick observation list:

Words that average blog/article readers probably have to Google get thrown into conversation. This is how we know the conversation is going downhill. 

People pick apart arguments that barely exist. "Well, perhaps better services in place could have prevented this." "Not the time or the place for this discussion. Your comment shall be deleted by the admins."

If you say that you could see where a parent could have caregiver fatigue, you're called a murder apologist. "The parent should have called CPS, 9-1-1, left the child at a hospital or an agency for themselves. To say you understand any aspect of this parent is to defend this parent and I won't have murder apologists on this thread." What the hell? Anyone ever think that a parent in this kind of situation might be dealing with psychosis? Just wondering. 

If there is an acknowledgement of aggression and autism existing, a lot of people get up in arms. Why aren't we allowed to acknowledge this? And also, why don't people understand that the level of "autism severity" has not one thing to do with levels of aggression? I digress.

If you say that your kid is also aggressive, you're demonized in some form for putting that out there. Unless you're speaking to parents who might get it. It's a rarity, but it happens. 

You can't just say, "This is hard. My heart goes out to this person and his family." Nope, can't include the family. You just have to ignore the hell out of any siblings, grandparents, etc. 

You can't point out lack of services. Murder is never an acceptable option. So why are these two tied together? Why can't we have this discussion at the same time? 

You can't portray autism as anything but rainbows and unicorn farts, I guess. I don't remember seeing that in the diagnostic criteria in the DSM, but that seems to be the party line most people toe these days, including me a lot of the time. Guys, autism is fucking hard. It's hard to raise an autistic child with some aggression thrown in the mix. It's hard to be autistic some days. It's okay to admit this. 

There are massive refusals to see counterpoints/differences of opinions, even if they're only slight. It's okay to be angry- people should be angry this is happening. It's natural to feel hurt that something like this has happened again. But to not be able to see others' points of view? That's blindness. Willful blindness. 



We need to stop. None of this fighting and refusing to admit that things are hard is helping anyone in our community. All it's done is lay more blame in the wrong areas and making more people feel more alone and as if they should hide. And for what?

Making people feel isolated and even more alone isn't why I started blogging. If you ever feel as if you are in need of someone to talk to, in need of services and you know you are local to me (within the Louisiana/Mississippi/Alabama area), email me at deciphermorgan@gmail.com . If you aren't in my area, email me anyways. I know services don't always exist, but I'm willing to try to help you. You can find me on my Facebook page, too. 

If we cannot come together as a community and talk about the hard things- lack of services- for both autistics and caregivers, reasons for aggression (face it- a lot of caregivers are in the dark), and how to prevent another murder/suicide of an autistic and parent- then who do we discuss these things with? Our government?

We help, not more judgement from inside our own community. 











8 comments :

  1. Because THIS is the end result of offering sympathy to those who murder individuals simply because they are disabled:

    http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/fighting-fear/201207/the-cyclops-child

    Because committing first-degree murder is wrong?

    Because killing your kid because "nobody can love them like you (mom) can" is off-the-charts narcissism? To act on the belief that your kid isn't entitled to LIVE, literally live, without you?!?

    Because there are options OTHER than murder for an overwhelmed parent?!?

    There are ALWAYS other options, which can include but are by no means limited to:

    - signing your kid over to CPS and paying child support until they turn 18 (or until your well enough to take them home again)

    - calling 911 and telling them you're a danger to yourself and fear that you'll hurt your kid

    (I can personally attest to the fact that if you tell them you're suicidal, they are required to keep you for 72 hrs. Let the ER figure out what to do with your kid).

    - taking yourself and your kid to the ER and telling them the same thing

    - taking yourself and your kid to the ER, tell the triage nurse that you can't take it anymore and are leaving him/her in the ER

    - take/leave kid at nearest CPS office, telling them you can't take it anymore.

    Are these great options? No - but they are WAY less bad than murdering a disabled person just cuz they're disabled!!!

    If a grownup crises their life is no longer worth living, they are certainly entitled to kill themselves -- though, obviously, seeking treatment is obviously a better idea. Killing a kid?? Because the parent doesn't wanna live anymore?? Evil. Straight-up EVIL!

    ******

    Nobody's saying autism is easy, that aggression from an autistic person is pleasant or that getting services is easy -- complain away! No issues there!! --- but blaming a MURDER on a lack of services is SO not on!!!


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    1. Did I say, at ANY point that I'm blaming murdering a child on lack of services? NO. I said that the issue of services seems to come up at the SAME time or is cited whenever a parent takes their child's life. I DID NOT say that I agree with this. I DID say we should talk about this. I also said that psychosis on behalf of the parent might play a part in this.

      Murdering your child is WRONG. I stand by that point and will until I am blue in the face. I will not defend anyone who murders.

      I'm asking why we, as a community, don't actively communicate to stop this?

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    2. Those are some interesting solutions, but how come you don't want to talk about solutions to prevent a parent from even reaching the breaking point?

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    3. By the time a person is at the meticulously-plan-the-murder-of-the-your-own-allegedly-beloved-child point, it's a little late to be talking about solutions that would have prevented a parent from reaching the breaking point.

      This young man died by his mother's hand. Not by the amorphous "lack of services".

      (Also? All the services in the world didn't help Kelli Stapleton. 6+ month 'breather' from her aggressive kid, 1:1 for all the girl's waking hours covered by a coveted Medicaid waiver. How much "support service" is enough?).

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  2. wow Jessi, that was very well said! It seems that everyone who admits that autism with agression is very very hard gets shot down, I have seen this time and time again. I know many people who have told me that this is the reason why they have stopped complaining in our community. And then we wonder....
    Helen

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  3. "To say you understand any aspect of this parent is to defend this parent and I won't have murder apologists on this thread." Did somebody actually say that?

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    Replies
    1. I might be paraphrasing a bit, but yep.

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