Monday, March 11, 2013

No, I'm not okay with that

*Contains strong language

Dear woman in my apartment complex,

I know you don't like me and I'm okay with that. Honest. In a very high school fashion, my friends and I don't care for you, either. You're entirely too loud, crass, and rude.

However, this evening, when you saw Morgan happily "chugging"... flapping his arms, making his noises, excitedly heading off with his brother and me to walk his dog and observed him and his "problems," you didn't need to look so disapprovingly at him.

When I was walking back, carrying his little brother because he had clearly fallen and was upset and Morgan was chattering up a storm.. and licking his face because he was nervous.. and flapping.. and saying hello repeatedly to all of the children, your little "darlings" (who openly reject him, by the way - great parenting!) included... you didn't need to loudly say to my neighbor "you know he's not right?"

Just.. no. Hell no.

I'm not okay with this. You said that within earshot of me, as I clearly displayed... while shaking.. holding on to my child.. while Morgan was standing next to me. I'm sure he heard you, too, but I'm not sure if it was clear to him that it was he you were referring to.

I did not respond in the fashion I so dearly wanted to because there were children present - mine, yours, the neighbors...

I did not tell you everything I wanted to because, unlike you, I have some modicum of decorum within me which dictates that I not unleash on you. This is in spite of  having years worth of pent up rage from dealing with parents, teachers, and strangers just like you. 

 I'm so not fucking okay with this. 

I see you and people like you every day. Your children are less behaved than mine. To look at my Autistic son and say "he's not right?"

You, and people like you, are what is wrong with society. I get I ask people to not judge, so in the case of pot calling kettle, I'll be the damned pot. You are teaching your children that it is okay to openly criticize my son. You are saying, by example, that it is perfectly alright to hurt him with words.

At a birthday party last fall, when your son and another boy snuck up on my son, who was having a sensory break, and screamed, "Morgan's a RETARD! Morgan's a RETARD!" you acted as if my son was to blame. Why? Because he was there? Because he's Autistic? Because you aren't raising your properly? What crap!

I admittedly went temporarily insane because you had the gall to tell me, "You see my son? You see his tears? Your son did this! My son feels bad and you should feel bad." Tell an Autism mom something that batshit crazy and see if she doesn't respond in a similar fashion as I did.

*(For the record, I told her she was raising an asshole, okay? And I might have said she was allowing him to be a terrorist.)

So, no. I'm not okay with any of this. I'm not okay with people like you. People like you make people like me want to scream. I can't stay calm... and collected.. and rational. The only reason I can even project that sort of image is because I have my children around me 99.9% of the time.

Count yourself lucky.


One Seriously Pissed Off Mom


  1. This is a truly great letter. I don't blame you one bit for feeling the way you do. Sometimes I cry for Morgan because of the things people say to him or about him. I just want to tell them that Morgan is NOT a retard. Morgan is a wonderful kid. Maybe they should try to teach their kids to be wonderful as well. I just pray for the day when Morgan can flap and twirl and chatter up a storm and people will accept him for who he is. I don't know you or your son personally, but I guarantee that if you lived next to me, I would show nothing but the greatest respect and admiration for Morgan. I think he is a truly awesome child and I regret that I don't know him personally. Keep up the good fight on behalf of Morgan and other children with Autism and special needs. God bless you. You are truly a remarkable person of great courage. I am honored to be associated with you.

  2. Wow Jessi, I am so proud of your strength.....I may not have been able to bite my tongue! I know just where you're coming from. I too am surrounded by ignorant neighbors whom allow their kids to act in much the same way.....Talking to their parents does no good. Hubs and I are trying our best to pull the kids aside when it happens, and teach them what is right. Sad thing, this isn't OUR job, it's THEIRS, but Christ, someone has to do it.......people in general make me sick. I am so glad I had "met" all of your other Autism parents, because it is ALL of you, who have renewed my faith in humanity <3 hugs to you and to Morgan!

  3. Thanks Courtney. The thing that always kills me is when we talk to the kids, show them how bad it hurts... and nothing. It's like talking to a brick wall. However said that children are the product of their environment was dead on. I suppose that means our kids are going to be perfect, right?

  4. I have had a few similar experiences with my son Ricky, but nothing that extreme. Had an older lady at the store tell me in "her" day, kids were disciplined. Told her that in her day autistic kids were sent off an institutionalized rather than cared for. She walked off. I feel your pain; it's not just kids. Stay strong.

    1. Oh wow, I would have flown off. Sometimes I think that people just feel like they can away with saying whatever they feel about my kid to me. I don't understand this concept, because I'm not a passive person by any means. I'd go so far as to say that I've fairly combative when it comes to my child. Morgan is usually very sweet, HE'S the passive one (until the meltdowns... those suck). So, maybe it's due to his personality that people feel as if they can pick on him? I've been told that I have an "unapproachable" look on my face. I'm okay with that, as long as it keeps people from messing with my kid.